Sibling of a Child with Special Needs

Sibling-Rivalry.jpg

If you have a 'typical' child that is struggling to handle having a sibling with behavioral issues/disability/special needs, I made a worksheet to help them process their feelings and thoughts about this. If it seems to be a major concern for the child, they may need some therapy to handle their siblings issues. Its hard to notice the other children as needing therapy versus the one with the special needs, who is likely already getting alot of attention and services, but sometimes siblings feel forgotten or resentful and may need some extra support. 

Worksheet

 

Sensory or Behavior?

sensoryavoider.jpg

 

Sensory vs Behavior
By Patience Domowski, LCSW

How do I know if my child’s behavior is sensory-related or a behavioral problem? Parents wonder this all the time. The simple answer is that it's often hard to tell and sometimes the reasons overlap. Often the issues can be both.

Sensory issues are sensitivities related to the senses- see, hear, feel, taste, smell. People can be over-sensitive or under-sensitive to senses. Children can be sensory- seeking: they do certain things to get certain sensory stimulation, such as excessively rubbing a soft blanket, or sensory-avoidant: they do things to avoid sensations they cannot handle, such as covering their ears for loud sounds. Some behaviors that are sensory related can also be behaviors for other reasons, which makes this so difficult to figure out. Some children are both sensory seeking and sensory avoidant for different senses.

Some behaviors you might see in a sensory-seeking child: running around and crashing into furniture/items, desires tight hugs and squeezes often, chews/sucks on toys/fingers/etc, bites/scratches/squeezes  people or furniture, likes to feel various items and objects, fabrics, textures. These behaviors are  not to get something they want from another person, like a toy, or attention, but for sensory input into their body.

Some behaviors you might see in a sensory-avoidant child include: won’t touch or eat certain textures- wet or soft items often like pudding or yogurt, screams and covers ears/eyes in certain bright lights or loud noises (may seem normal lighting or sound to a non-sensory person however, but to a sensory kid it’s overwhelming), avoids certain fabrics/clothing.

If a child is screaming or running around, those are not obviously sensory related behaviors, so how do you know the difference? The way to figure it out is to try to figure out the function, or the WHY, of the behavior. Is the child running around because they are trying to get your attention? (Behavioral) Do they seem to be very hyper and struggle to sit still? (Could be Sensory) Is the child screaming to get what they want, get attention, or because other people are doing it? (Behavior) Or are they upset with no clear reason why? (Could be sensory) Would the child do the behavior if no one was in the room with them? One of the simpler ways to figure out if a behavior is for sensory purposes is if the behavior would occur without any other interaction from another person. If the child was alone in a room and would still do that behavior, it is likely sensory- because they are not trying to avoid something they don’t want to do, get attention, or get something from someone else (the other functions of behavior). [For more info on functions of behavior see my other article on this topic].

Many children do sensory-seeking behaviors that are not a major problem as most children like to run in circles, dance around, touch soft items, etc. because it feels good to them. It's only a sensory problem when the behaviors are disrupting the family or school setting, or causing distress or interference in the child’s life. To have your child diagnosed with a sensory disorder please seek an evaluation from an occupational Therapist (OT). OTs are available through Early Intervention (if your child is under age 5), the school system, or private agencies.

If the behavior is for any other reason than sensory-stimulation it's a behavioral issue, not a sensory issue. If a child is throwing a tantrum because they didn't get candy, that’s behavior. If they are melting down because the lights are too bright- that’s sensory. Sometimes it's hard to know why so trying to figure out when the behaviors occur, what set it off, and the environment is very helpful. If your child is verbal, ask them what the problem is if they can verbalize it. Sometimes taking data is helpful to see patterns and figure out what settings the behavior seems to occur in most often.

So what do we do about it? We want to treat the behavior differently based on the function (or WHY) of the behavior. If a child is screaming for attention purposes, we would likely want to ignore them and teach them a better way to get attention. But if the child is screaming to avoid a loud sound, we would want to help them protect their ears- such as providing headphones in noisy environments. If the child doesn't want to wear underwear to be difficult or in control that is much different than a child who is complaining the underwear is itchy. So once we figure out WHY the behavior is occurring, then we come up with a solution.

OTs help kids de-sensitize and meet their sensory needs in more appropriate ways. So a kid who cannot tolerate certain clothing would probably be brushed until they could tolerate it. They would have the child do sensory activities like jumping on a trampoline or crashing into cushions to meet those needs instead of grabbing people or running into walls. Behaviorally the child can be given rewards for making good choices- like using a sensory toy or strategy, such as biting a chew toy instead of mom’s arm.  We want the child to meet their needs in an appropriate way or get them to a point that they don't need that problematic behavior anymore.

Often the behaviors are both sensory and behavioral and they can feed each other, so sometimes a combined approach to treatment is helpful. Many children with ADHD, autism, and anxiety also have sensory issues. However a child can have sensory issues without a mental health diagnosis as well. Try to have your child evaluated by both a behavioral/mental health therapist and an OT to figure out the right diagnosis as that will be very helpful in coming up with a treatment plan.

Because sensory and behavior needs vary so much per child, and figuring out the function can be difficult sometimes, it is important to meet with an experienced professional to help figure out a plan specifically for your child. OTs and Behavioral Specialists/Therapists are the best professionals for this. Some Physical Therapists (PTs) can be helpful as well. Not all child therapists are familiar with sensory issues however, so find someone who knows something about sensory concerns and behavior.

Medication, Mental Health, and Children

medicine, children, mental health

Medication and Children’s Mental and Behavioral Health
by Patience Domowski, LCSW

Should I put my kid on medication?

Many parents wonder this when their child is struggling with mental health issues. Is this just a ‘quick fix’? Is medication going to harm the child worse than their diagnosis already affects them? It’s a difficult decision and many parents worry about side affects, addiction, and long term necessity. Many parents have heard horror stories of kids over medicated. The stories in the media are mostly negative, and most of the information about medication that is commonly known isn’t always accurate too. So how does one make that decision?

While it’s a personal decision to be made by the parent(s), and perhaps the child, (if the child is of age to make that decision, such as a teenager), here are some helpful things to consider when trying to decide what the best course of treatment is. Consider some other options for treatment before going the medicine route, except in certain situations, to be discussed below.

Treatment Options

First, try therapy. If your child is able and at least moderately willing to attend sessions, try a behavioral therapist to help with the child’s emotional or behavioral issues. Often the coping strategies taught in sessions are sufficient, and medication is not even necessary. Children with ADHD can learn some tips and tricks to help focus, kids with anxiety can learn some coping skills to calm themselves when anxious, and parents can learn some ways to better manage their child’s behavioral symptoms and emotional distress. Most child behavioral therapists will teach the parents some ways to handle the child’s behavior including ways to help calm the child when they are angry or anxious, and some behavioral strategies such as reward charts and consequences to utilize at home. There are behavioral therapists that are in offices, some that come to the homes, and some that work in the schools. Find out what is best for your child and what is available in your community, by asking your insurance agency, pediatrician, or school guidance counselor for suggestions.

If the problem occurs at school, get help from the school. If the child’s behavior is affecting their schooling whether it’s acting up in class, panic attacks that send them to guidance frequently, or the child is unable or unwilling to complete homework, ask the school for help. The school can evaluate the child to see if they qualify for an IEP for 504. If the child meets the requirements they can get extra formal and informal supports and services from the school district.

What if therapy doesn’t work?

If therapy and school supports are not sufficient, or the child is unable to even participate in therapy or school programs due to their emotional state or extreme behaviors, then it is time to consider medication. The question as to how long to wait to see if therapy and school supports are helpful enough will vary per child, however a few months is often a good time, and asking the school and therapist about this is a good option.

For example after several months of school interventions the child is still unable to focus, has frequent anger outbursts and can’t seem to control them, or other issues, it may be time to consider another path of treatment. Or after several months of therapy the anxious or depressed child is not seeing results, they are unable to do the skills at home, or the results are very minimal, they may need medication to help them achieve the ability to try the skills learned at home or school.

Do children ever absolutely have to be on medication or aren’t candidates for therapy?

Technically no, you never ‘have’ to put your child on medication, but sometimes it is strongly advised. Not every child qualifies for or would benefit from the same types of therapies. There are different options to consider to see what best fits your child’s needs. Some children need high levels of care such as hospitalization, or residential treatment, while most only need outpatient (office-based) therapy, or home based therapy.

In some cases it may be necessary to start medication immediately, prior to implementing other treatment options. If the child is extremely suicidal, has severe panic attacks on a very frequent basis, cannot focus or sit down long enough to learn in school or participate in therapy, or their behaviors are so extreme they include aggression, inability to reason (think logically), or have dangerous behaviors such as severe aggression or impulsivity, it may be imperative to start medication before, and in conjunction with, other treatment options. Sometimes children are too affected by their symptoms to even learn coping strategies in therapy or to learn and respond to school that they need something to settle them down before they can try other options.

Can my child get off their meds or are they on it for life?

Once the child, or teen, is able to settle down, because of the medication, they are better able to learn coping strategies. Often the medication takes the edge off enough that they can think more clearly, make better decisions, and use the skills and strategies that the therapist and teachers are trying to teach them. Most professional recommend a combination of both medication and therapy to best treatment.

Often kids are able to get off of medication over time, when they show progress using their strategies. Some kids are only struggling temporarily perhaps due to trauma, parent’s divorce, being bullied, or other life event, and after they have processed their feelings from these events are able to move off their medication as well. Sometimes children will be on medication for a long time however. Some children may continue to have their symptoms into adulthood. Talk to your doctor about the length and likelihood of medication for your child, as it varies per person. It may be hard for your doctor to tell you how long the child will need medication as their response to the treatment will vary.

What about side affects?

Side affects and effectiveness of medication is a real concern. Most side affects go away in a few days, and some medication works immediately (most ADHD meds) while others can take up to a month to see effectiveness (most anxiety/depression medication). If the medication is causing severe problematic side affects you should call the doctor immediately and see what they recommend. Don’t just pull your child off of certain meds that need to be tapered off, of there can be worse symptoms. If the medication isn’t working, talk to the doctor and they may increase the dose slowly, or try a different medication. They are many medications for each diagnosis, so they are several treatment options out there, not just the first one your doctor recommended. Some doctors can do genetic testing that will test the effectiveness of medication for your child and even side effects, before the child/teen even starts the medication. This may be a helpful option for some families.

Could my child become addicted to their medication?

Often parents worry about long term addiction to medication, or the child is never able to learn to live without it. While that could occur certainly, often children and teens are able to learn other coping strategies and are able to wean off the medication at some point in their lives. Also the medication should be closely monitored by the doctor to make sure no other issues are starting. People with ADHD and bipolar are far more likely to become addicted to illegal drugs than medication, as they often will ‘self medicate’ with drugs and alcohol to control their symptoms. It is much healthier to have them on legal medication that can meet their needs and is controlled by a doctor, than for them to turn to other unsafe methods to meet their needs. If the child is extremely suicidal, aggressive, or impulsive the risks of medication may outweigh the risks of non-medication due to the child’s likelihood of harming themselves or others from their symptoms.

How does medication help?

How does medication help? It fills in the chemicals in the brain that are ‘missing’ or reduced in the brain that are causing the child’s symptoms.  Often behavioral problems and mental health disorders are genetic, in that they are passed down biologically, or occur randomly in the child’s brain. It is not the parent’s fault, or the child’s fault. It just happens. Sometimes however problems can occur from environmental issues such as the child being raised in a stressful or difficult family situation, significant issues at school, a traumatic event, or significant loss. Then these situations ‘cause’ the diagnosis to some degree. Often there is a both a genetic and environmental factor that combine to cause the disorder, and fixing the brain chemicals can be done by treating with medication, and also by changing brain pathways in therapy in learning new ways to re-train or think about things differently and therefore respond, cope, in a better way.

Is there a medication for behavioral issues like ODD?

Oppositional Defiant Disorder is one diagnosis where there is not a specific medication or even category of medication for it specifically. While ADHD has a variety of meds to choose from, including stimulants, and nonstimulants, and there are numerous meds for anxiety and depression, and antipsychotics and other types of medication for certain disorders, there is not really anything specific for ODD. ODD is best treated with behavioral interventions. However if the child is experiencing depression symptoms along with their oppositional behavior, such as chronic sadness, frequent and prolonged anger outbursts, or aggression, there are medications that can address some of these issues. Medication for depression can help with these other symptoms to help the child be able to think more positively, be more flexible in thinking which can then help behavior. There are also medications for aggression and impulsivity that calm the body down to help the child stop and think and slows their impulses. If you aren’t sure if your child can be helped by medication for their behavioral issues, ask their doctor.

Who should I have prescribe the medication?

For children, often their primary care doctors, such as family doctors or pediatricians, will prescribe medications. Sometimes they will only prescribe something initially to start with and then refer you to a psychiatrist, other times they will handle the medication long term. Some pediatricians specialize or have a lot of experience handling emotional issues, or ADHD for example, and have no problem managing the medication, however others are reluctant to do so. Some children respond to the first medication and others need to have it figured out. If its more complex than just trying one medication, often pediatricians recommend to see a psychiatrist. A child psychiatrist specializes in handling medication for children and knows much more about these issues than a general physician would. They are the best option most of the time. Sometimes neurologists will handle medication for children with ADHD, and sometimes other diagnoses too.

What if my child refuses to take their medication?

Often children will refuse to take medication. Sometimes it’s just that they don’t like how it tastes or feels in their mouth, other times its because they are being teased about it from siblings or peers, or they aren’t sure it will help them. Making it easier for them to swallow by putting the medication into food can help, as well as providing them education on how it can help them. Often children report they feel much better on their medication and look forward to taking it. If they are refusing to take it because they don’t think they need it, have them talk directly to their prescribing doctor and/or therapist to discuss these issues. If they are not taking it because of behavioral reasons, a simple reward system for taking their pill daily can often be the best solution.

My child’s other parent refuses to allow them to take medication

This is a common problem, especially in divorced families. Often one parent doesn’t see, or believe, the same behaviors and symptoms that the other parent witnesses. Sometimes parents have personal reasons, have heard horror stories, or have bad experiences with medication themselves that they are not open to this type of treatment. It can be helpful for that parent to participate more in the child’s therapy, school support meetings, and attend the doctor’s appointments so that parent can discuss their concerns with the doctor and others involved in the child’s treatment. It may be helpful for the child to communicate directly to the other parent if they want to take medication (often teens ask for anti-depressants for example), so it’s not just coming from the other parent. In the end however if the child is underage both parents have to agree and sign off on medication. Perhaps asking the other parent to just allow it for a trial period to see if anything improves may be a good resort. Have them take data of the behaviors or feelings before and after the medication to see the results themselves.

Personal Note

Personally, as a behavioral therapist, I often do not recommend medication right away, because most children respond pretty well to behavioral therapy, and having parents involved in therapy and willing to take the therapist’s suggestions and try them at home, is often sufficient. However sometimes there are times, as mentioned above, where medication is necessary. I recommend medication sometimes after trying therapy for a little while without a lot of progress, or in some extreme situations where it is necessary to go ahead with it sooner rather than later. I support parents’ desires to make informed decisions regarding their child’s treatment while also encouraging an open mind to other forms of treatment available. Parents are often surprised to learn that there are many other children already on medication and it makes a huge different in their child’s life. Some parents are so happy to finally see progress from something that is very simple to implement. Often the information parents have on medication is outdated, as things have changed since the ‘ritalin age’ where kids were over-diagnosed with ADHD and over-medicated with Ritalin for example. Now there are more options out there and more information. I encourage parents to research and ask questions and find a doctor that can help.

Other helpful articles and information

 http://www.aacap.org/aacap/families_and_youth/facts_for_families/FFF-Guide/Psychiatric-Medication-For-Children-And-Adolescents-Part-I-How-Medications-Are-Used-021.aspx

http://kidshealth.org/en/kids/ritalin.html?ref=search&WT.ac=msh-p-dtop-en-search-clk
http://www.specialneeds.com/children-and-parents/general-special-needs/behavioral-problems-and-medication-kids

I hate you!

yelling

When your kid says “I hate you!”
by, Patience Domowski, LCSW

When your kid says “I hate you!” and how to handle it…

1)      Remember you’re not alone. Many kids say this at some point to their parents.

2)      Recognize they usually don’t mean it. Knowing they don’t mean it and it’s not personal can help parents feel better about themselves and also not overreact. Instead of getting hurt or angry, recognize that your child is really trying to communicate something.

3)      Realize it’s a lack of skill. They don’t know how to express their frustration properly. Teach them by modeling the correct feelings words, giving them space to calm down and later discussing with them how they could’ve handled that situation differently.

Usually when kids say “I hate you” or similar mean things like “I want a different family!”, “You’re the worst parent”, etc… they are really trying to say “I don’t like the answer you gave me”, “I’m upset I'm not getting what I want”, or “I’m mad/frustrated/etc”.

Instead of saying “We don’t say Hate” or “You don’t mean that” or “You’re hurting my feelings” etc try saying this instead: “Sounds like you’re frustrated. Can you say “I’m really mad!” or “I don’t like that!” Model it for your child and hopefully they will copy you in the moment and then remember next time how to handle it.

4)      Teach empathy. Talk to them later about how they would feel if someone said “I hate you” to them when they really didn’t mean it. Even if they apologized later. Explain how it makes parents feel. Talk to the child about their feelings and teach them to identify some better coping strategies.

5)      Train kids to change their thoughts from Negative to Positive. Instead of seeing the bad sides to situations, help the child identify the positive sides of the situation. Over time they will better be able to handle disappointments.

Here's a link to a list of great responses!

When your child hates writing

frustrated child writing

I hate writing! and how to fix it
by Patience Domowski, LCSW

If you child says they hate writing and its causing an issue (at school, during homework time, etc) then figure out which aspect of writing is the problem and then you can work on the solution. You child may never love writing, and that’s okay, but they need to be able to write without a full tantrum, on a regular basis, to survive at school and there’s always going to be something to write in the future in their career and in daily life.

What do they hate the most? … and how to solve it!

1)     Physical aspect of writing- the moving of the pencil across the page. Maybe it hurts their hand or its difficult to hold the pencil

Solution: Try a pen or marker because it’s easier to write with (don’t have to push hard to get a result like with a pencil or crayon). Warm up their hands with some putty, playdough. Try a pencil grip squishy. Let them type instead.

If they really struggle with the handwriting aspect get an OT eval at school.

2)     Ideas – can’t think of what to write (for open ended assignments)

Solution: Give them ideas – two or three to pick from, or write a bunch of topics on strips of paper and put in a box and they can pick from the box.

3)     Time- takes a long time to write out answers.

Solution: Reduce the amount they have to write (If needs to be 5 sentences, settle for 3 or 4, for example). Have them type it or write with a different medium to go faster. Take a break between working.

4)     Bored – writing is too boring

Solution: Find topics that are interesting to the student. Make it a game. Listen to music while writing.

5)     Behavior- they just don’t want to.

Solution: Set up a reward system. They get a reward or fun activity after writing. At school- free time after finishing writing. Homework time at home- maybe get video game or TV time after finishing.

Some kids may struggle with writing for more than one reason. If you’re not sure just try a variety of solutions and see what works. Some ideas that work across problems include let them type instead of hand write, setting up a reward system where student earns a reward for doing their writing (without a fuss), and also having them write about something that interests them, and maybe even draw a corresponding picture (if they enjoy drawing/coloring). 

For some ideas for your stuck student see my Writing Prompts  download.

Attention Seeking Behaviors

attention seeking behavior

Attention Seeking Behaviors ~ by Patience Domowski, LCSW

If your child is a little “Attention Whore” constantly craving attention and trying to get attention even if they are given plenty of positive attention from parents, etc, parents might need to try some strategies to teach appropriate attention seeking behavior.

·        Teach your child it’s okay to play alone

-have them go play for a few minutes at a time, slowly increasing the time spent alone, and then give them a lot of one on one attention after those few successful minutes

-give your child some toys they can only play with/have when mom/dad is too busy to engage with them (like while driving, on the phone, in a conversation, etc).

·        Make a list with your child of things they can do alone, such as

-play with toys

-color/draw

-read a book

·        Teach your child how to ask for attention appropriately

[instead of hitting/yelling/etc]

-such as by saying “excuse me” and waiting until good time to talk

-start a conversation

-asking a question

-ask someone to play nicely

-ask for a hug

-ask for attention “Mom, can I have some attention!”

·        Ignore your child if they are asking for attention at the wrong time or in the wrong way.

-Remind them to ask appropriately and wait for them to do so.

- Then immediately provide social reinforcement such as praise when they do so appropriately.

-Provide attention when it’s appropriate time and they ask correctly

[Note: If you are giving your child attention such as answering their questions/doing what they request/ etc when they are asking for attention inappropriately (such as hitting/interrupting/etc) then they will continue that behavior. Instead have them wait or ask appropriately for what they need and then parent should give attention at that time. ]

"If I have to tell you one more time!"

parents yelling at kid

“If I have to tell you one more time!”

Reducing frequency of prompting

An Explanation of 123 Magic and Supernanny’s “warnings” techniques

by Patience Domowski, LCSW

 

Do you find yourself telling your child to do something (or stop doing something) a million times and they don’t listen? Do they ignore you until you really start to lose it and scream at them? Do you find yourself threatening things but nothing seems to work? Or are you always arguing with your child? Well here’s the secret solution!

To reduce telling children a “million” times to do something you need to have a specific consequence tied in as a result for not listening. So if the child isn’t doing what you’ve asked right away they learn they get something taken away and then they start learning to listen right away. The power is in the consequence. They might not care that you are frustrated, but they sure do care when you take away that ipad!

You may have heard of 123 Magic but don’t have time to read the book. I thought I’d summarize the strategy here. (Okay I’ll admit I haven’t read the book either, but I know the strategy!). Remember the “Magic” is in the consequence, not the words!

To use 123 Magic you give the direction and say “That’s One” to the child to let them know you told them what to do once. Wait a few seconds/minutes and if the child doesn’t comply you give the directive again and add “That’s Two”. After a minute if the child still refuses to comply then you say “That’s Three” and give them a consequence. Important note- 123 Magic is NOT counting to three. So it’s not “Pick up that toy, 1. 2. 3. Okay you’re in trouble now,” but rather giving the direction 3 times after 3 occasions of refusals.

Now before you start this you should prepare your child by explaining how it works (during a calm time, not in a moment of noncompliance). You should also have a go-to ideas of consequences in your head that you can use. It doesn’t always have to be the same consequence but it needs to be something the child cares about, and something that you are able to enforce/follow through with. Also don’t use a consequence that will punish yourself. Like taking away TV time when you know that’s the only time you can actually shower, for example!

Here’s how you can explain the new program to your child “Mom and Dad are tired of telling you MANY times to do things. It’s frustrating for us and then we yell at scream at you. I'm sure you don’t like when that happens either. So we’re going to use a new strategy. It’s called “123 Magic”. Isn’t that a cool name? Basically we will only tell you THREE times to do something and then you get a consequence. The consequence will be ____ (examples: lose a toy/go to room/loss of privilege/etc). So when we ask you to do something we will tell you “That’s one” so you know we told you the first time. If you don’t listen right away then we’ll remind you “that’s two” so you know this is the second time we asked you to do something. If we get to the third time we will see “that’s three” and you will have the consequence right away. You still have to do what we told you to do but you also get a consequence. If you do it before we get the Three then you don’t get the consequence.” Then practice it with something easy like throwing trash in the trash can or putting a toy in a box so the child gets in the habit of listening right away and understands how it works during a calm time/teaching time, not just waiting for a problem time.

After you’ve used this strategy a few times the child learns that they do not want to get to Three. They know you MEAN IT and you don’t have to scream at them. You just have to say “That’s three. Now you’ve lost ipad time tonight” in a calm tone. [Ignore any resulting screaming/crying and still insist the child completes the direction you gave them].

When you FIRST start using 123 Magic you might want to remind them of what they are going to lose. Here is an example for when you FIRST start using this system with a child who is refusing to follow directions.

Example “Pick up your jacket and hang it up. That’s one.” (wait a few seconds). “Remember if we get to 3 you don’t get to go out for ice cream with us tonight.” (wait a few seconds). “Pick up your jacket and hang it up. That’s two. If we get to three, you lose ice cream tonight.” (wait for compliance). “Okay this is 3. You lose ice cream tonight. You still need to pick up your jacket.”

After that there should be no more explanations. No more pleading. Nothing else. Just “That’s one” “That’s Two” “That’s Three”. You should NOT be saying “If I have to tell you again…” or “I’ve already told you x times” or explain why they need to listen, etc. Just give a simple direction with the numbers. Because they will know what the consequence is. Then take away the privilege or whatever the consequence is calmly and quietly.

Supernanny has a similar system where she calls it “Warnings”. It’s really the same thing. You can do it that way too. For example “Stop hitting your sister. That’s the First warning”. (behavior continues) “Stop hitting your sister. This is the 2nd warning.” (behavior continues). “This is the 3rd warning.” (wait briefly, if behavior continues then) “Okay that was 3 warnings- now no more computer time tonight.”

The “magic” is that there is no more arguing and parents don’t have to repeat themselves many times. Children soon learn to comply within 1-2 prompts instead of 20!

Check out the 123 Magic books program and read some articles by Supernanny as there are some great strategies there. Links are below. 

Also see my "resources" page for links to more articles. 

Reference:

http://www.123magic.com/1-2-3-magic 

http://csgreeley.org/sites/default/files/files/1-2-3-magic.pdf 

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Routine-and-Teamwork/Parent-child-power-struggles.aspx

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Discipline-and-Reward/Punishment-or-positive-discipline.aspx

Arguing- it takes 2 to tango!

mom kid arguing
tango

Arguing

Just like it takes two to tango, it takes two to argue. So when a parent says the child constantly argues they are implying that the parent is arguing back too. How do we stop this as parents? Simple answer: STOP ARGUING. Don’t answer back. Ignore constant invitations to engage in arguing behavior. Remind your child you already gave them a response and that’s it. If they continue to ask, perhaps give a consequence.

Arguing problem example

Child: Mom, may I have a cookie right now?

Mom: No, we are saving the cookies for dessert tonight.

Child: But mom, I’m really hungry! I want a cookie now!

Mom: No, you just had a snack. It’s almost dinner time.

Child: I’m still hungry! I can’t wait for dinner! I want it now!

Mom: I told you, you have to wait until dessert time after dinner.

Child: But I want it now! You never let me have anything to eat! You starve me all the time! You’re the worst mom ever!

Mom: No, I feed you all the time, We’re eating dinner in about 15 minutes anyway.

Child: (Starts to cry/tantrum) I want a cookie! I hate you!

Mom: (loses cool) What is your problem?! I’m the best mom ever- some moms never give their kids cookies! If you keep acting like this I’ll never feed you again!

… okay maybe not to that extreme… In this example the child engaged mom in arguing, even though Mom did a great job sticking to her word and not giving in to what the child wanted, the child still was arguing to get what they wanted and mom was losing her cool and getting upset.

Let’s try this instead. Sometimes its called “Asked and Answered” (I didn’t invent that term, but it makes a lot of sense. Basically you just remind the child you already gave them a response. You might explain why, if not obvious, but then you let it go.)

Arguing Solution:

Child: Mom, may I have a cookie right now?

Mom: No, we are saving the cookies for dessert tonight.

Child: But mom, I’m really hungry! I want a cookie now!

Mom: I already answered your question. I’m not going to talk to you any more about it.

Child: I want it now! I want a cookie! I can’t wait! I’m starving! You never feed me! Why can’t I have one now? (etc…)

Mom: (ignores child)

Argument over.

Child can continue to scream/tantrum but knows he’s not going to engage mom in discussing this anymore.

Sometimes if child does this kind of behavior a lot I would add this..

Mom: If you keep asking for a cookie/screaming/crying, then you won’t get a cookie after dinner for dessert at all. It’s your choice.

Hopefully child will stop at this point. If they don’t then mom needs to stick to her word and no cookie during dessert time. Next time the child will likely remember this consequence and avoid this behavior completely. It may take a few tries to get to that point! 

Homework battles

homework battle

Homework battles

If your kid is giving you a hard time about doing homework there are a few options:

-let the teacher handle it/school consequences

-set up a reward system

-don’t allow child to play/watch TV until homework is completed

-offer help if they ask nicely

 

Parents vary on their stances on homework such as:

 

-“as long as it’s done”

-“it has to be done perfect”

-“I have no idea if he/she did it or not”

There are pros and cons of each approach. The first one is pretty typical and avoids most battles but still makes sure the work is done, the second one makes sure child is learning the work but can involve a lot of power struggles because parent makes child do it over and over to get it perfect. The third one inspires independence for your child but if they aren’t doing it the parents don’t even know until perhaps they start getting graded on homework (middle school, sometimes earlier depending on your child’s school). 

Disrespect/back talk

disrespectful child

Disrespect/Talking back

If your child has many difficult behaviors, including disrespect, I would recommend focusing on the other behaviors first. If your child is being disrespectful just to get a reaction from you, then just ignore it.

However if that is not the case, and when you are ready to focus on disrespect then try a few things:

-be respectful to your child (don’t call them mean names, belittle them, etc).

A lot of parents don’t realize that they are being disrespectful to their child. This doesn’t mean we treat child on same level authority-wise as adults, but think about would we talk to our friends or spouse the same way we address our kids? If we can talk nicer to them they will often respond nicer back.

-expect respect, and correct them by having them try again in a better way. You model/say what the child should say instead of what they did say and have them repeat it back. [See article on error correction]

-provide a consequence for constant disrespectful behavior [see article on consequences]

If disrespect continues then you might need to figure out what’s gone wrong with your relationship with your child/teen and work on that. In order for children to follow directions and be respectful, etc parents MUST have a good relationship with their child. Relationship is the MOST important thing!! Many teens will say their parents are mean to them or disrespectful so they refuse to listen to them. Or they feel their father (for example) doesn’t have a relationship with them so why would they listen to him. If you don’t have a good relationship with your child work on that relationship FIRST before expecting better behavior or more respectful responses. 

ADHD tips for parents

ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

ADHD- if you don’t think its “real” just ask a parent or teacher that has a child with this diagnosis! It can be so frustrating to work with a child with ADHD because they are usually a typical child with no delays or obvious special needs but yet they tend to lack focus, have to be told to do things that are a normal routine and they are usually unorganized and forgetful. Some kids are hyper and impulsive- sometimes in girls its hyperactive talkativeness instead of physical motor activity.  

If you are seeing these symptoms have your child/student evaluated by a doctor or therapist and get some behavioral therapy. Some children may need medications (even some adults too!) but some may do fine with only behavioral interventions.

Some strategies to try to teach these skills:

·         Fun focus activities: hidden pictures, mazes, word searches, etc (trains child to concentrate on something hidden which forces their brain to ignore the external stimuli/distractions)—can find lots of these for free online!

·         Play Simon Says game to work on following directions

·         Use reward system as kids with ADHD are often motivated by rewards!

·         Do “following directions coloring pages” and activities- up to 3 step directions. For example: “color the tree orange, the flowers purple, and draw a sun in the sky”—this teaches child to remember 3 directions at once. Can use it for motor activities too like a game where you give directions and they have to try to remember all of it: “grab your jacket, two shoes, and put on your socks”.

Tiperoo: don’t give a child TOO many directions at once. If they are having a hard time just give them ONE at a time until they master that, then move on to about 3 directions at once.

·         Make Checklists! Make one for morning routine, completing any task where they forget the steps -make a list and have them check it off daily! (can pair it with a reward chart). There are many free printable checklists online or you can make your own. Use this also for chores.

·         Remove distractions, like the ipad, preferred toys, etc, from your child’s room/view in the morning. You can reward them with play time if they finish their morning routine tasks within enough time (show them a timer or clock). [See Morning routine section under Section 1]

·         Use a Timer!! They are great to teach time management skills. You can download free visual timers on phones and ipads or order a ribbon timer or other visual timer from www.timetimer.com

Tiperoo: set a timer and have them “Beat the timer” as a competive game to teach them to move quicker through getting dressed, showering, etc

·         Have them clear/clean out their backpack weekly- remove all old papers, re-organize current necessary papers. Perhaps eliminate multiple folders and keep everything in one large binder or one folder with multiple sections to make things simpler. Try color coding and clear labeling of where things go (can attach to a reward chart for keeping it organized)

·         Clearly label and organize your child’s room/toy space for them and teach them to put things where they go (follow up weekly). For example bins/drawers for each clothing, toy, papers, etc.

Tiperoo: Take a photo of what the space or task should look like and then tell your child to make it look like the picture. For example their bedroom, desk, shoes/coat area, loaded dishwasher, toy bins, etc.

·         Keep their homework work space clear of distractions (visual and audio) by keeping it quiet area, no TV in background or other people, toys, etc. Check in with child often to make sure they are on task and keep working. Timers and little reminder cards can be helpful to keep them on track too.

·         Try a “keep working slider”. Put a button or bead on a pipe cleaner/string on a card and slide it along the card as your child completes their work so they can see their progress toward being finished. You can also do this with putting velcroed cards that say “start”, “middle” “end” etc or numbers 1-5 that you keep putting in a row to complete as they work so they can see their progress as well and know how much time is left to be done!

·         Take movement breaks between things that require a long time of sitting such as walking around/jump on trampoline between homework subjects, classes at school, long car rides, sitting through church, a play, movies, etc.

·         If your child is struggling in school ask the school to evaluate your child. Then request a 504 accommodation plan (this would include things like quiet space to take tests, teachers making sure they turn in their homework, extra time for assignments, sitting close to the teacher, etc) or IEP plan (includes goals for behavior and /or academics and may include specially designed instruction where teachers would have to tailor their approach to meet your child’s needs or may need to place child in a more appropriate classroom setting). 

Oppositional Defiant Disorder- specific tips for ODD

ODD kid

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

by Patience Domowski, LCSW

Oppositional Defiant Disorder, “ODD”, is a childhood behavioral disorder characterized by extreme defiance, opposition to adult authority, including angry mood, easily irritable, argumentative behavior, often vindictive- does things purposefully to annoy others or get back at others, refuses to comply with directions, blames other people for their own mistakes. These behaviors often occur across settings (home, school, and community), however sometimes it may only occur in one or two settings. It can occur from preschool ages through teen years.

Children with ODD often need a different parenting approach than their typical peers or siblings. They need a lot of structure. They need a very consistent and strict parenting approach. Instead of explaining why or giving reason for things, like might be helpful with other children, ODD kids need a simple, clear direction. They often don’t care about the why, they just want to argue and a logical explanation is not effective for these children. They need a regular routine, if possible. Knowing the expectation and what comes next can avoid a lot of problems.

Children with ODD need rewards and consequences. Often children with ODD and other behavioral disorders (such as ADHD) lack an internal feeling of happiness or pride in doing a good job, pleasing their parents or teachers, or feeling good about doing things they should do. They often need to be given a reason to motivate them to make a good choice or do what they are told because internally they don’t care. They often have that “what’s in it for me” attitude. If a child does not have an internal motivator, then they need an external motivator (reward) in order to comply.

They don’t need a bribe (giving them something first and expecting something in return) or a negotiation. They need simple direction and an opportunity to earn a reward. They also need clear (not vague) consequences for misbehavior. Use First/Then terms. First you have to do this behavior, then you can have/do what you want. Example: “First eat dinner, then you may watch TV”.

Use the word No sparingly. If it’s an absolute NO, use it. If it’s a “later”, use that term instead, as it may help avoid a tantrum from hearing the word No. They won’t be able to hear anything else after that word. Example: “You can play outside, as soon as your homework is done” instead of “No, you can’t go outside now”.

Use a reward chart system. Have the child earn rewards by doing certain behaviors – can be on a daily or weekly basis. There are many printable free reward charts online. A popular idea is the traffic light behavior chart where child is on “Green” for good listening, “yellow” for warning, and “red” for consequence.

Another similar (but non visual) strategy is 123 Magic, by Thomas Phelan. This is not the same as “counting to 3”. Basically the parent tells the child to do something and says “That’s one” along with the direction. If the child doesn’t behave after a reasonable wait time, the parent repeats the direction and adds “that’s two”. Again, the parent would wait, and if the child doesn’t follow the direction, the parent would say “that’s three” and immediately invoke a consequence. The consequence could be immediate or later, but the child would know at that moment that since they reached “3” they would get the consequence. However the direction still has to be followed.

Avoid empty threats. Don’t keep giving warnings and chances because the child will take advantage of that and try to manipulate parents to get their way and continue their behavior in order to get what they want.

Sticking to the consequence, providing rewards, and staying firm can go a long way in helping a child struggling with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Seeking help from a behavioral therapist is helpful for the child to learn some strategies as well as helpful for parents to learn some different ways to handle their child’s behaviors.

 

Books by Patience Domowski, available on Amazon.com, print and Kindle versions

 The (Un) Common Sense Guide to Parenting by Patience Domowski, LCSW

“Julian Learns” Series includes 3 stories in one book- stories include: “Julian’s Anger Story”, “Julian’s ODD behavior” and “Julian Learns Respect”.  Book also includes reward chart ideas and worksheets for each story for child to practically apply their newly learned skills from the stories.

Function of Behavior/ Why is the child doing this behavior?

sibling behavior

Why? That is the question

If you can figure out WHY your child (or student in a classroom, for teachers) is doing what they are doing, you are much closer to figuring out how to solve the problem/intervene.

There are 3 basic functions for behavior (I know, shocking its so few, huh?!)
1. To Obtain/Get Something (or Get Attention)
2. To Escape/Avoid Something
3. For sensory input/stimulation

So look at what happens BEFORE the behavior (called the "Antecedent")
Then Look at what happens AFTER the behavior (called the "Consequence"- doesnt have to be negative or a punishment, in this case).

Here's an example:
Teacher says "Time for work". Child screams and throws himself on the floor. Teacher comes over and asks what's wrong and tries to talk child into doing work.
What do you think the function is?
Well it could be for (1.) Attention (from the teacher, even if the teacher is also going to punish the child), or for (2.) to escape work. Or is it (3.) the child enjoys making loud sounds? Hmm it might be a little bit of everything. (Some behaviors do hit all the above functions, and those are difficult!). So try different responses (whether changing the antecedent or the consequence) to see what happens.
So teacher says "Time for Work", Child screams and hits the floor. Teacher ignores. (Other children need to ignore too). Child then returns to work, or does another behavior (Okay then they want attention).
Teacher says "Time for work"; child screams, teacher sends the child out of the classroom to sit in the hallway, see the principal, etc. Child complies (and maybe even is happy about it). Likely reason is for Escape (child avoided work).

Another thing to consider is- is this behavior due to a skill deficit? For example can the child not do the work he is asked to do? Is it too difficult? Does he/she not understand? Does the child not have the skills (wasnt taught for example) to raise his/her hand and ask for help?
Teaching the replacement behavior (ask for a break or ask for help- for example) would be the best response.

To figure out number 3- the best test is to answer this question: If the child was completely alone, wasn't given any attention, and wasn't being given a demand (direction to follow), would the child do this behavior? If so, its likely for sensory stimulation.
 

Error Correction (Re-doing the expected behavior after making a mistake)

child walking with parent

"Error Correction" is an "in the moment" teaching opportunity.
Basically take the child back to where they made the error (physically) and "re-do" the behavior the correct way.

For example: You are holding child's hand walking in the store. The child suddenly runs off. You chase him down. Instead of just telling him "Don't do that again!" Take him back to where he started to run off and hold his hand and make him walk that same space.

Another example I can give from experience. I used to see a child for therapy in a daycare. When I would show up he would rolls his eyes and groan. I was teaching him social skills and that is not the proper way to greet anymore, especially an adult. So I said "Let's try that again" and I told him what the expected behavior was: "You should say "Hi Miss Patience!" when I arrive. So I went back out the door and came back, expecting him to use the right behavior. We practiced that awhile. Another client I had would stick out his tongue when I arrived. I tried the same thing. I would go back outside and re-knock on his door and have him greet me properly. After a few weeks of that (I only visited 1-2x/week) he now does it properly without having to "re-do" the greeting.

By redoing the behavior in the moment it helps the child learn "muscle memory" to remember what to do. Kids tend to learn better (and so do some adults!) from kinetic learning (using your body) more than just verbal learning. So acting out a behavior or role-playing a social scenario can teach the skill better than just lecturing or telling a child what to do next time without practicing it.

Whining

Whining is an easy one to solve ....

whining child

 

Ignore whining. Say "I can only listen to your big girl/ boy voice". If child is having trouble re toning his request then model it for your child. Say the request for them to repeat. For example... "I want a drink please, mommy!" ( in a normal/ nice tone). 

 

Also you can record your child's voice and play it for them. You could imitate them to show them how they sound. Another option - you can say one phrase in two tones and have child identify which sounds better. If they pick the whiny one then just use a whiny voice when talking to them all day and see if they call you on it! 

Environmental or Physical problems that may be causing behavior

child upset by loud noise

Sometimes before setting up a whole behavior plan to deal with sudden increase in behaviors of a child you should check to see if there is anything in the child's environment or physical body that might be affecting them.
For example if suddenly they are really having alot of behavior problems you might check and see if they are sick or have an ear infection. That's sometimes a cause but the child can't or won't tell you how they feel, or they don't know what's going on with them.

Here are things to consider:

Noises (loud, strange, etc may bother kids)
Lights (too bright, hum loudly like ones in grocery stores/commercial buildings)
Need to use the bathroom (especially number 2....)
Hungry
Thirsty
Too Cold/Hot
Sick
Tired/Sleepy
Hurt/Headache/pain

Rewards and Consequences - ideas and charts

reward chart frozen theme

Use of Rewards is extremely effective for kids, especially kids with Autism, ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), and related issues.
Find out what motivates your child. Rewards should be very individualized, personalized, and will vary based on the child's interest, age, and availability.
Rewards do not always have to be something bought like new toys.
Rewards could be :
-extra time (like stay up late, extra time on computer/game, etc)
-extra attention (play a game with mom/dad, go out somewhere with parents, etc...)
-special choice (pick what's for dinner, pick the movie the family watches, etc)
-trip out (for ice cream, accompanying mom/dad anywhere, playground, out to eat, etc)

Ask the child what they would like to earn or work for, and then negotiate.
If the reward can match the behavior that's even better! Like if they get all their homework done early they get to play a game with mom/dad or read an extra story before bed. Or if they do their chores (like set the table for example) they can help mom make dinner, if they like).

Reward charts can be about one specific behavior you want to increase, or used for several behaviors. The amount of time it takes to fill the chart should vary. For young children it should be pretty easy and often to get rewards (daily, or several times per day for extreme behaviors you are trying to stop), for pre teen kids usually weekly works, for teens, it should take longer to get rewarded (rewards for teens might be getting or using a cell phone, access to the family car, going on a trip/school event, things like that.)

Reward charts are super easy to make, print out, or even buy. Here are some of my favorite sites to find pre-made reward charts...
Super nanny reward charts  - info on how to make/use
Printable SuperNanny reward charts
Free printable reward charts
This site has alot of different types of charts
Chuck E Cheese Rewards - can't afford much? Use these Chuck E Cheese reward charts to get free tokens to play!


Types of reward charts:
Earn tokens/points/stickers to get to a goal (like need 10 stars to get reward)
Move along a track/up a chart/numbers to get to top/goal (move up from 1 to number 10 to earn reward)
Earn puzzle pieces to put entire puzzle together (earn the picture that is on the puzzle, or something else)

Opposite of a reward chart- a consequence chart could be losing tokens for misbehavior, or lose other things the child has/likes (take away a favorite toy, perhaps). I only suggest this method when you are trying to extinguish a behavior, not replace it with something else and rewards aren't working. Positive rewards are better, but you can try this strategy if that's not working or not possible with the type of behavior you are working on...

It's the "X" out the letters strategy.
For example a child keeps asking to go to the store when you already said No or Not now. Or a child keeps hitting or keeps doing something you want them to stop doing. A creative strategy I have used is to X out letters to something the child wants. For example I was working with a child who wanted to play with trains. I told him we have to do this and that first, then we can play trains. He kept asking me and I got really frustrated telling him same answer. So I wrote the word "TRAINS" on a white board, and told him every time he asks me I will X out a letter. If there are any letters left when we finish the work we were doing then we would play trains, if not, we wouldn't. After losing two letters, he got it and I never had a problem with that again! Another child I worked with wanted to go to the Pool but wasn't listening to what I was asking him to do- he kept screaming/making noises to be silly/clapping loudly for no reason, etc. So I drew 5 little pools on a paper, and I told him every time he does the screaming/misbehavior I would X out a pool. Once all the pools were gone, he couldn't go to the pool. He lost the pool one time (we used this method several times) and was usually pretty good after losing one X or two. Ive seen teachers use this method if the class is supposed to have a fun party and they are acting up that day (too excited or whatever). The teacher writes PARTY on the board, and every time the students are talking/not listening, etc she would X out a letter. They didnt want to lose that party so it was a good reminder to not get all the letters X'd out!

Lying

mom asking child about lying

Lying

If your child lies alot it can be counter productive to ask him "Did you do 'thus and so'?" and then when he says "no" you punish him for lying and he will never admit to the truth. Its often more helpful to just say "I saw you do (whatever it was), so your consequence is..." or "I heard you did..." and then give a consequence or warning. If you really don't know if the child did something or not it may be helpful to ask them, but kids who lie constantly when you (or another witness) KNOW they did it, its usually easier to just not give them even an opportunity for lying and just move to the consequence for the behavior.

Cursing and Preschoolers

girl holding her mouth

So... I know its HILARIOUS when your toddler/preschooler says a bad word but ... the best response is really not to respond. I know its really hard! Believe me! Because its so funny! But if you laugh it will just encourage the use. Even if you follow the laugh with "Don't say that!" they still remember "I said this word and Mommy laughed! I should do it again!" Even if they weren't looking for attention they will often jump on this chance for attention and continue the behavior.
(BTW these apply to not just typical curse words, but also potty words like "poopy" that kids like to say, or even "hate" and "stupid" that maybe be a problem in your home too).
So here are my suggestions...

1) Ignore (especially if they only say it once in a while. Even if you've laughed before, ignore it the next time).
2) Watch your OWN language!! Kids repeat what they hear. That goes for Mom, Dad, Grandparents, TV, Older siblings, etc...
3) Tell them "that word means something else, and its not nice to say" or"We arent allowed to use that word at school/in this house" (Even if you heard Daddy use before).  (Also Note ... It's Not necessary to explain what the word means to the child, but suffice to say the child likely has no idea what the word actually means- even if they use it "correctly"- they just know the word has power- it makes people laugh, yell at them, etc).
4) Make them aware they are using the word if they aren't realizing it. "That's a Red word" (Red words are things that aren't okay to say), or "We're not using potty words"
5) Teach them a "replacement word" which is a "Green word". Something silly is great. Make sure the replacement word is acceptable at School (not just at Home!).
6)If they continue to use the bad word tell them "if you are going to use "potty words" you have to use them only in the bathroom". Then send them to the bathroom every time they use a potty/curse word. Eventually they get tired of being left out of the group and the behavior usually stops. The assumption is the child is doing this behavior for attention and being sent out of the room means they lose attention, so it works!

There's a Red words and Green words social story on this site: "www.thewatsoninstitute.org"

ADHD tips for teachers

ADHD boy at school

Impulse Control

  Teach child to control impulses using games like Simon Says

  Remind them to STOP and THINK

  Raise your hand silently as a cue to raise hand if child is calling out and wait to call on them until they raise their hand (ignore them if they call out)

Reduce Distractions

  Eliminate/avoid distractions in the room as much as possible

  Sit ADHD child in FRONT of the class so they avoid distractions such as other students

  Sit child so they do NOT face window, doors, highly decorated areas of the room

  Sit away from toys and computers

  Use a file folder “office” to block distractions

  For tests sit in quiet section like back of room where less children are around

Keeping organized and on task

  Many kids with ADHD cannot keep themselves regulated in If you can’t keep things regulated/organized INTERNALLY (in your head) you have to do so EXTERNALLY such as using calendars, to do lists, charts, sticky note reminders, etc

  Help kids stay on task using Timers (www.timetimer.com),  make reminder notes, have visual schedules, mark backpack/folders with reminder notes, completion checklists, picture schedule of the day, and other visual reminders

Reward systems/motivators

  Often children with ADHD, and ODD, and other behavior disorders (Autism, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, etc) do not have the internal motivation or desire to want to perform well, please parents/teachers, or achieve/succeed within themselves.  (Let’s face it we all have those days we’d rather play than work or learn! ) So they need EXTERNAL MOTIVATORs such as incentive/reward charts, tokens, behavior systems, earned allowance, etc. Basically find out what they want and then help them get that with doing the expected/preferred behavior.

  Reward systems/charts should be individualized, tailored to child’s wants, needs and interests. If child is NOT interested/doesn’t want the reward, its too hard to achieve, or its not related to them, they are highly unlikely to utilize it and actually do what you are requesting.

  Rewards DO NOT have to be Toys/Food (tangible) they can be –extra time, -special choice, -extra attention, -computer time at end of the day, -stickers, -coloring pages they enjoy, etc

  For younger children small token/reward charts work great. Make it achievable. They should be able to earn in an hour or day if they are very young, or weekly for kids who are a little older or have achieved daily rewards already.

  Older children should earn tickets/money/chips to cash in for prizes/rewards/ privileges

Other helpful tips

  place child closer to front of room, sit student next to a calmer student or away from distractions, call on child often to answer questions, or repeat back information, sit child in a chair versus on the floor

  Tap their desk/call name while teaching to get their attention

  Have them run errands/be helper for class to get out extra energy

Remind of expected behavior and establish reasonable consequences

  Tell children the expected behavior and the consequences if they don’t follow it – should be clear and concise. Remember if its simple they are more likely to hear it! For example “We are going to play musical chairs now. If you don’t follow the rules and get “out” when told, you can’t play the game again when we play next time” or “Now its time for art. If you splash the paint on the floor on purpose, you will have to sit out”.

Other disruptive behavior tips

  Out of seat on carpet/crawling around:

                                -try a chair, carpet square, move away a little from the group

·         Talking to peers next to them:

- move them away from that peer, put them next to calmer/quieter kids (boy/girl/boy/girl can work)

·         Fidgeting:

- try a fidget toy to hold (if that toy becomes distracter, take it away until they focus, then return toy to them to see if that helps. If not, fidget toys won’t work. )

-Sit on a fidget seat (School’s OT consultant should have one), exercise ball, or bean bag for extra sensory input.

  Butting in line/pushing children in line:

- put child at front or back of line, or several feet from others in line, remind of consequence “keep hands to yourself or you will have to go to back of line/lose recess/etc”

·         Have child take a walk/movement activity before having to sit for a while 

  Wandering around/not transitioning to correct center/activity:

- small chart/list of centers to choose from. They mark off each center they complete on the list.

  Not staying on task in the center:

                                - timer or task completion checklist

  Waiting/transition time - fidgeting/touching others/etc:

                                -suggest a wait game or sing songs during that time

Classroom Rewards and Consequences  for everyone

  Can be individuals earning stickers/rewards/tokens or whole class/group earns a collective prize:

For example if everyone is quiet they get extra 5 minutes recess, or if they are following directions all week, they get a special activity on Friday

  Consequences could include sitting out of the activity, not being able to sit with a certain peer, losing a toy or other privilege, and call to parents 

Remember:

  Be Consistent (keep rules the same)

  Be Fair (don’t always have one child be in trouble if several are doing same behaviors)

  Give Consequences/Follow through! (if you said it would be the consequence- then make sure it is! Child will learn from that and not keep making same mistakes!)

  Use Rewards !! (makes everyone more happy!)